Revision can wait

I never seem to be able to get the words out in the way I want to when I write these sorts of posts, but I'll give it a go. It's one of those moments where the combination of current mood, the music that is playing, and life in general all combine to create a feeling of restlessness and dissatisfaction, of yearning and wondering. I feel like my contemplations are on the edge of something big, something that will impact my world in a significant way. But it's right on the edge of consciousness, like it's taunting me - it's something far more fundamental to who I am than my everyday mundane thoughts and musings. And I can't quite access it, but by writing stuff down maybe it'll come to the surface.

I think I'm trying to communicate something that my whole self is screaming inside. I want more, and I want better. More love, more joy, more peace, more happiness, more meaning and significance, better relationships, better sensitivity, better life! I want to access those things that relaly make me tick, the things that make me me, and live life based on those things, rather than just taking things as they come without any real thought. I want to be active, working, doing, impacting, but at the same time, feel real peace. I feel like the rest of my life is beckoning to me from around the corner, waving a cheeky hand in my direction before running away down an alley and teasing me into chasing. I'm not even sure if that future is what I want, but I gotta go find out, right?