One of the talks during our church's summer series on prayer was on Abraham speaking with God on Lot's behalf, when God was intent on destroying Sodom and Gomorrah, where Lot and his family lived. At one point George, the speaker, mentioned about how the progress of Abraham's story takes us eventually to a point where God's presence was 'located' in the ark of the covenant, and latterly the temple in Jerusalem. It got me thinking about how much changed between the story we were considering (Genesis 18 and 19) and the experience of the Israelites living in Jerusalem with the temple system.
The two experiences are so different. Abraham has seemingly open access to God - a man who's faith counted him as righteous, able to stand with God and make his plea, humbly yet boldly - "now that I have been so bold as to speak to the Lord". Abraham knows who he is talking to but he also knows where he stands before him, as one who God will listen to. Abraham is also able to beseech God using God's own character - "Far be it from you [to do such a thing]! Will not the Judge of all the earth do right?" There's no ceremony, no traditions or rituals to perform, just open and honest conversation between the two.
In comparison, the experience of the Jews living with the ark of the covenant and temple systems was very different - George pointed out that people had died from touching the ark when they shouldn't have, and that only the high priest could enter the inner sanctuary of the temple, once a year. The people were given ways of purifying themselves before God in this system, and places to pray, but the connection that Abraham once had with the Lord has disappeared. He is a holy and distant God, not one who is knowable.
What happened in between these two times? One major thing - the law was introduced. Moses established the law for God's people, which set out the ways in which they are to remain clean and pure before God. Now the law is good, but it causes a problem - the people were not good, or clean, or pure! Instead of the open relationship between God and Abraham (and this despite Abraham not always trusting God's plan for him), the law now showed how far God's people were from his standard of holiness, and defined a new type of relationship between them. Not a relationship based on faith and intimacy, but one based on keeping the law yet having to offer sacrifices because it can't be upheld.
In that moment it struck me in a fresh way how Jesus changes all this. By the time Jesus comes on the scene, the Pharisees and other leaders have established many more rituals and traditions than even the law demands, further alienating the people from God. He is not a God to be approached like you would a good friend, he is holy and just and pure and doesn't want you to come close. Best stay back, do the right rituals (and pay the right amount at the temple) and we'll take care of the rest.
But Jesus came to show us that the relationship between God and man was always meant to be like that which Abraham enjoyed. He is a holy and pure and just God, but he is also a God of love and compassion and intimacy, who yearns to make himself known and show that he knows us. Jesus demonstrates this in his life: spending hours with the poor, sick and lost, teaching the crowds the way they should live, and spending many hours in prayer with his Father, whom he relied on completely for his life and ministry. Jesus spoke openly and honestly with the Father, expressing joy, expectation, humility, grief and sorrow at the things he was experiencing and the situations he was dealing with. He responds to what he hears his Father saying and sees his Father doing. It goes even beyond what Abraham experienced.
But for humanity there's still a problem - the law exists and condemns those who try to follow it, and stands in the way of being known by a pure and holy God. If we're honest, we know we don't and can't live like Jesus by ourselves. But if Jesus' life modelled what a relationship with God should look like, then his death and resurrection made it possible for us to enjoy that as well. On the cross sin was dealt with: our position before God is completely realigned, and we enter into a completely different relationship with him. We can now call him Father, like Jesus did, speak to him openly and confidently, like Jesus did, and live lives that please him, just like Jesus did. What an amazing truth! Jesus wasn't just modelling the way things should be in our relationship with the Father, as important as that is. He was achieving that reality for us too, by taking on himself, the anger of God against sin, that which separated us from it. We don't get to experience this by trying to copy it, we enter into it by Jesus' sacrifice, and then get to find out more and more what Jesus experienced in his earthly life.
Thanks be to God who has set us free from a life in slavery to the law, in order to enjoy the experience of a loving relationship with Him!
Friday, 30 November 2012
Crystal Clear Communication
I've been struggling this week with a pretty stressful situation at work. I shouldn't say too much, but it involves one of the people I manage. At the heart of the problem lies, I think, an issue with the way this person perceives my attempts to communication with them. Their reaction is always defensive, and despite being their manager for almost a year, we haven't managed to form a productive working relationship, despite me being successful at this with the other eight people I've managed during my time leading this team.
It's taken me a while to diagnose what I think is a fundamental reason why we have a problem communicating: whenever I ask them about the work they're doing (even just to find out - I manage multiple teams), they assume that I am actually inferring that they haven't done their work, or aren't working hard enough, or something else that I haven't actually said. They do this when other people say things to them, but it's most acutely a problem with me because, well, I have to talk to them about work, I'm their manager!
Apart from the high levels of stress this has caused for both of us (especially this week, for particular reasons), something about the situation has bothered me, and it's taken a while to put my finger on it. Essentially, I feel a real sense of frustration that I'm not being taken at my word - that no matter how many times I say "please just take my words at face value", they are always going to assume I'm saying something hidden and react accordingly. I've struggled with feeling really offended at this, because I work so hard to mean what I say, and only say what I mean, and to have this consistently rejected really does hurt.
Thinking and praying about it more, I've realised that this person displays an extreme version of a trait that lives within us all - the temptation to become defensive, to read meaning into what people are saying that isn't at all intended, because cynicism is healthy for self-preservation. Think about all the backstabbing and gossiping that takes place in society, particularly in trashy shows like TOWIE or Made in Chelsea. Or the culture in business which insists that to make your way to the top, you've got to keep your cards tight to your chest, not let anyone know your game plan, never trust anyone but yourself.
My challenge is this - can we, as the church, live completely counter-culturally to this, and communicate with each other in a way that seeks open and honest relationships, ones fully in the light, with no ulterior motives and no suspicion?
An idealistic dream, perhaps, in a sinful and fallen world. But let's look at this further. What would it mean to communicate like this with our brothers and sisters in Christ? To start with the assumption that the other person means exactly (and completely) what they've said, and doesn't mean anything they haven't explicitly said either. I think it would cause two things to happen: firstly, we'd all work much harder at the clarity of our communication, and we'd be free of all the worry, stress and mistrust that comes from assuming that there might be something unsaid within the other's words. It would move us beyond simple politeness and courtesy into deep, supportive friendships built on the trust that comes from speaking plainly, where challenge can be given and received without defence, where we assume the other is looking out for us.
We'd be dragging our communication into the light and redeeming it from a world of mistrust and suspicion. This would however make us vulnerable to those who despite appearances may have ulterior motives, even within the church. I'm not advocating gross naivety, though I think we need more of it in the way we approach others. I'm also not contradicting Jesus' words in Matthew 10:16 to be "shrewd as snakes, and innocent as doves" - importantly, Jesus was talking about his disciples (believers) being sent out "among wolves" (i.e., the not-yet-believing world). Primarily I'm focusing my attention on the way we as believers communicate with each other - in a radical way that assumes the best and seeks openness at all cost. How wonderfully free-ing that would be!
This is not a challenge borne out of frustration at any observed duplicity within the church (though I'm sure it's there to some degree). Rather, I've just felt challenged to share this in order to build up the church, my brothers and sisters, with an encouragement to cultivate relationships with others in the church that are as open, honest and clear as we can. I believe this would make us stronger and more radically attractive to a fallen but seeking world that deep down craves real relationships built on love, trust and safety.
Finally, we know as Christians that our ultimate security and trust is in God. In Jesus we have a perfect and completely honest friend and Lord, who knows us inside out yet still seeks intimacy in relationship and is willing to speak the truth to those who have ears to hear his voice. It is his example that we should seek to recreate in our church relationships. It's also a journey, one in which friendships deepen and strengthen as we move towards what we experience in Jesus, safe in the knowledge that if (should I say when) we're let down and disappointed along the way, He is always there to remind us that our hearts are Truly Known.
Ephesians 4: 25 & 29 - "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbour, for we are all members of one body. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
It's taken me a while to diagnose what I think is a fundamental reason why we have a problem communicating: whenever I ask them about the work they're doing (even just to find out - I manage multiple teams), they assume that I am actually inferring that they haven't done their work, or aren't working hard enough, or something else that I haven't actually said. They do this when other people say things to them, but it's most acutely a problem with me because, well, I have to talk to them about work, I'm their manager!
Apart from the high levels of stress this has caused for both of us (especially this week, for particular reasons), something about the situation has bothered me, and it's taken a while to put my finger on it. Essentially, I feel a real sense of frustration that I'm not being taken at my word - that no matter how many times I say "please just take my words at face value", they are always going to assume I'm saying something hidden and react accordingly. I've struggled with feeling really offended at this, because I work so hard to mean what I say, and only say what I mean, and to have this consistently rejected really does hurt.
Thinking and praying about it more, I've realised that this person displays an extreme version of a trait that lives within us all - the temptation to become defensive, to read meaning into what people are saying that isn't at all intended, because cynicism is healthy for self-preservation. Think about all the backstabbing and gossiping that takes place in society, particularly in trashy shows like TOWIE or Made in Chelsea. Or the culture in business which insists that to make your way to the top, you've got to keep your cards tight to your chest, not let anyone know your game plan, never trust anyone but yourself.
My challenge is this - can we, as the church, live completely counter-culturally to this, and communicate with each other in a way that seeks open and honest relationships, ones fully in the light, with no ulterior motives and no suspicion?
An idealistic dream, perhaps, in a sinful and fallen world. But let's look at this further. What would it mean to communicate like this with our brothers and sisters in Christ? To start with the assumption that the other person means exactly (and completely) what they've said, and doesn't mean anything they haven't explicitly said either. I think it would cause two things to happen: firstly, we'd all work much harder at the clarity of our communication, and we'd be free of all the worry, stress and mistrust that comes from assuming that there might be something unsaid within the other's words. It would move us beyond simple politeness and courtesy into deep, supportive friendships built on the trust that comes from speaking plainly, where challenge can be given and received without defence, where we assume the other is looking out for us.
We'd be dragging our communication into the light and redeeming it from a world of mistrust and suspicion. This would however make us vulnerable to those who despite appearances may have ulterior motives, even within the church. I'm not advocating gross naivety, though I think we need more of it in the way we approach others. I'm also not contradicting Jesus' words in Matthew 10:16 to be "shrewd as snakes, and innocent as doves" - importantly, Jesus was talking about his disciples (believers) being sent out "among wolves" (i.e., the not-yet-believing world). Primarily I'm focusing my attention on the way we as believers communicate with each other - in a radical way that assumes the best and seeks openness at all cost. How wonderfully free-ing that would be!
This is not a challenge borne out of frustration at any observed duplicity within the church (though I'm sure it's there to some degree). Rather, I've just felt challenged to share this in order to build up the church, my brothers and sisters, with an encouragement to cultivate relationships with others in the church that are as open, honest and clear as we can. I believe this would make us stronger and more radically attractive to a fallen but seeking world that deep down craves real relationships built on love, trust and safety.
Finally, we know as Christians that our ultimate security and trust is in God. In Jesus we have a perfect and completely honest friend and Lord, who knows us inside out yet still seeks intimacy in relationship and is willing to speak the truth to those who have ears to hear his voice. It is his example that we should seek to recreate in our church relationships. It's also a journey, one in which friendships deepen and strengthen as we move towards what we experience in Jesus, safe in the knowledge that if (should I say when) we're let down and disappointed along the way, He is always there to remind us that our hearts are Truly Known.
Ephesians 4: 25 & 29 - "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbour, for we are all members of one body. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
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