"Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him." Matthew 6:8
Some people in my life know the saga over my contract for my new job. Originally placed in the Department of Environment back in June, I met with a lady from HR before leaving for South Africa, and was told the contract would be with me within a week or so. Cue almost 3 months of frustration! I've always been somebody who likes to be in control. I think it's a human nature thing to some extent, although some are better at letting go than others. I've definitely learnt a lot over the past couple of years, thanks in part to going off travelling by myself, about relaxing when I don't know what's going on. In this case, though, I think the fact that it was linked to the career I was sure God had put in my path, that actually made me frustrated that I didn't know what was going on.
At first, having not heard anything for a couple of weeks, I decided to email the department. No luck: not even a reply. I decided, in a super-spiritual moment, that I would "trust God" with the situation, and not talk about it to anyone. However, the weeks grew into months without a reply: I was sending more and more forceful emails without anything coming back. Once again, I "gave it over" to the Lord, but this time I was also telling anyone who would listen what was going on: 'You won't believe this, they're not even replying to my emails!' I began to doubt that this job would even happen: perhaps they were actually having second thoughts about employing me, having realised I'm actually a total fraud and totally ill-equipped for the job in hand. My confidence levels were plummeting.
Finally, about 2 weeks ago, I decided to email the Fast Stream team who placed me at Defra, and things started to happen. I felt kinda bad though, like I had ratted on someone to get my way, and thought I had marked myself down as one who kicks the cradle when he's not happy. At least I got a response, I thought. However, still no contract! I had asked for it to come by yesterday, if at all possible, if its not too much trouble, thanks ever so much, what. When it didn't, I thought I'd be "mature" about it and leave it another day before emailing to politely demand its whereabouts.
Having just emailed them, I sat there at my desk, and said to God, "What is going on? God, I trust you, I think, and I don't want to demand anything of you: when you're timing comes, then the contract will come." This whole summer felt like a real test in patience, and my inability to keep my bitching mouth shut about it all summer showed how little I had. Then a voice, well, one that was only audible to me, inside my head, said:
"Well, have you actually asked me for the contract?"
It hit me like a flipping freight train. I hadn't asked God once to actually give me the contract! It felt too demanding, like why would God go out of his way to do that for me, when there's much more important things in the world like people starving, lost children who don't know their heavenly Father, and all that? But the voice didn't come from me, so I decided to obey it.
"Ok God, yes, please give me the contract. I know that you're in control, and the world's not ending without it, but I really would like it now, ok?"
It felt a little weird praying like that. Just now I had to go and fetch somebody from down in town: a 10 minute pickup turned into almost an hour of errand running. When I got back, hot and a little tired from sitting in a car in the sun with no air-con, there sitting in my inbox is two emails from Defra: one with the contract, the other with details of my first posting! God's timing is not lost on me. I checked the time that the contract was sent from the Shared Service Directorate (who write the contracts) to the lady at Defra, and it was at 10.55 this morning: before I sent the email.
"Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him." Matthew 6:8
" Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you" Matthew 7:7
"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:11
"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Mark 11:24
"If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you." John 15:7
I could go on and on. It makes me realise that there are so many things in this world that we don't ask for: we just assume God will do them in His timing. God didn't give us prayer just to ask, but that is one of the main reasons for it: to present our requests to God! And He does answer. If He cares about the little, how much more does He care about the world and its big problems? Blows my mind. And our role in this?
"He told them, "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3: 20-21
Tuesday, 29 September 2009
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
Fast Food Nation
Every so often I have this thought that things are too rushed. We seem to live in an 'instant' world: instant credit, fast food, broadband internet, fast cars and the like. Everything is just getting faster! I think it's also led to a distinct lack of patience, at least in the Western world. One of the things I love, and also get frustrated by (thanks to my Western mindset) about Africa is how chilled it is. Things change, plans are altered, meeting don't quite start on time, whatever. In the business world, this would be called inefficiency, wasted time, and there's an element of truth in that - a lot of us spend so much time on our computers, or watching tv (instant entertainment!), or doing whatever, that we don't do more of the things that really matter, that have real value.
How many of us complain that we have no time to read the Bible, or spend time with friends, yet we either spend loads of time procrastinating, or tied to a desk? I know I do - I think I'm one of the worst at wasting my time. I claim to take certain things seriously, but actually I spend very little of my time doing it. I don't want to make anyone feel guilty here, in fact I want to positively affirm you to do more...but to do more of the things that really matter! In this frantic world we live in, actually it takes a wise person to stop and think, to consider, to ponder, whatever. And an even wiser to make sure they take the time to consider God, who He is, what He's doing, and how we relate to Him. It doesn't require us to 'do' anything, but I think it's an active process for us. It means we allow Him space to be I AM, and we remain open to Him and what He's doing.
This would be seemingly nonsensical for some of us: how can we be inactive and yet be engaged in a process like this? Because we realise that the source of action comes from God, and we respond. There are times to pour out our heart to God, but of equal importance are those times where we just exist, with God, in communion. Sounds crazily hippy, but it takes away from us our desire to be the one in control. I think that those who are so involved in the various 'activities' of this life, barely pausing to consider the point of it all, are actually afraid to relinquish control. I know this is true for me. We can learn that "God is in control", but until we stop, and let go, even when, no especially when things are difficult, or frantic, we will never know this as biblical truth in our own lives. Truth is not effective if it remains an intellectual thing: it only becomes fully functioning when it becomes part of our experience as well.
How many of us complain that we have no time to read the Bible, or spend time with friends, yet we either spend loads of time procrastinating, or tied to a desk? I know I do - I think I'm one of the worst at wasting my time. I claim to take certain things seriously, but actually I spend very little of my time doing it. I don't want to make anyone feel guilty here, in fact I want to positively affirm you to do more...but to do more of the things that really matter! In this frantic world we live in, actually it takes a wise person to stop and think, to consider, to ponder, whatever. And an even wiser to make sure they take the time to consider God, who He is, what He's doing, and how we relate to Him. It doesn't require us to 'do' anything, but I think it's an active process for us. It means we allow Him space to be I AM, and we remain open to Him and what He's doing.
This would be seemingly nonsensical for some of us: how can we be inactive and yet be engaged in a process like this? Because we realise that the source of action comes from God, and we respond. There are times to pour out our heart to God, but of equal importance are those times where we just exist, with God, in communion. Sounds crazily hippy, but it takes away from us our desire to be the one in control. I think that those who are so involved in the various 'activities' of this life, barely pausing to consider the point of it all, are actually afraid to relinquish control. I know this is true for me. We can learn that "God is in control", but until we stop, and let go, even when, no especially when things are difficult, or frantic, we will never know this as biblical truth in our own lives. Truth is not effective if it remains an intellectual thing: it only becomes fully functioning when it becomes part of our experience as well.
Monday, 14 September 2009
Answers on a postcard
God constantly exceeds my prayers and expectations. I sometimes doubt Him, or wonder if I'm heading the right way, or why I don't seem to hear His voice, and then days like yesterday happen where He confirms to me that He hears me, and that He speaks with authority into my life. I feel like there's too much to try and explain everything, but during worship at church last night, the words of the songs and the passages of Scripture I was reading just confirmed all kinds of ideas and issues I had collected during the last week or two, and spoke truth into my life concerning them. I'm pretty sure this post isn't going to do any of it justice, but I will struggle to convey them in a way that is coherent.
In fact, struggling, or wrestling, was the theme of the talk last night. We looked at Jacob's wrestle with God in Gen 32, as he tries to prepare for the arrival of his brother Esau, whom Jacob robbed of his inheritance as the older brother by tricking their father into giving it to himself. Jacob is dividing his family and estate between two places, so that one part can escape whilst Esau attacks the other with the 400-strong entourage he has brought along. He send his family ahead of him, and then:
"So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak."
Where did this man come from? Jacob obviously recognises him as being greater than he, and will not give in. God even dislocates his hip (!) in an effort to make him let go, but Jacob replies:
"I will not let you go unless you bless me."
God ask him his name, despite knowing it, and then gives him a new name, saying:
"Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome."
Jacob, as far as I know, was the only man in history to see God face to face and live. His struggle with God, whilst not normal experience for us, shows us something of God's heart for His relationship with us: the answers to life's problems are not supposed to be easy "popcorn" sayings that help us through bad times: in fact, it is only as we struggle with God, and answer the questions He gives us, that we find out who we really are, and begin to work out why things work the way that they do. God asks many people who search him "What is your name?" In essence, He says, "Who are you, and what are you doing here?" We often have so many questions, and yet God skilfully helps us answer them by asking questions of his own. He knows the heart of the problem, even when we can't see it. We're so involved in the problems that face us, so overwhelmed or blinded, that we need God to give us fresh perspective, to open up the recesses of our heart where our true feelings lie, expose them, and to deal with them. It's not supposed to be a simple process: we all need to wrestle with God, constantly, over the things that matter to us, and also the things that matter to Him.
In chatting with a friend over coffee last night, I realised this principles applies to the way that I answer questions about my faith, or about suffering, about Jesus, the cross, the Christian faith, faith itself, and so on. So often we try and refine our answers to these 'postcard' length replies, thinking that we have cleverly found a way of explaining the truth. Now I'm not trying to criticise apologetics, in fact I'm usually the one defending apologetics (anyone else get the irony there?), but sometimes we work so hard on neat answers that we fail to serve those who are asking the question on two counts. Firstly, we actually may fail to listen to them properly, and to understand what the problem really is. Sometimes the questions is hypothetical, sometimes it comes from a real hunger to know the answer, and sometimes it is symptomatic of a deeper problem in that person's heart. In order to find this out, we need to ask questions ourselves, and ask for God's guidance and revelation concerning this person. Secondly, we can sometimes fail to point that person to God, in order to help them wrestle with Him over the issues that they have. We may have good answers, but it is only the Holy Spirit that illuminates truth, and it is when we do business with God, when we face up to the possibility that He may well exist and needs to be directly communicated with, that we find what we're looking for.
All I'm really proposing then, is a level of sensitivity in our conversations about God that leads us to always question, always probe for deeper reasons, always point them towards God, and in so doing, love them deeply by directing them to the One who has real answers, if only we'd struggle with Him long enough to find out.
In fact, struggling, or wrestling, was the theme of the talk last night. We looked at Jacob's wrestle with God in Gen 32, as he tries to prepare for the arrival of his brother Esau, whom Jacob robbed of his inheritance as the older brother by tricking their father into giving it to himself. Jacob is dividing his family and estate between two places, so that one part can escape whilst Esau attacks the other with the 400-strong entourage he has brought along. He send his family ahead of him, and then:
"So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak."
Where did this man come from? Jacob obviously recognises him as being greater than he, and will not give in. God even dislocates his hip (!) in an effort to make him let go, but Jacob replies:
"I will not let you go unless you bless me."
God ask him his name, despite knowing it, and then gives him a new name, saying:
"Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome."
Jacob, as far as I know, was the only man in history to see God face to face and live. His struggle with God, whilst not normal experience for us, shows us something of God's heart for His relationship with us: the answers to life's problems are not supposed to be easy "popcorn" sayings that help us through bad times: in fact, it is only as we struggle with God, and answer the questions He gives us, that we find out who we really are, and begin to work out why things work the way that they do. God asks many people who search him "What is your name?" In essence, He says, "Who are you, and what are you doing here?" We often have so many questions, and yet God skilfully helps us answer them by asking questions of his own. He knows the heart of the problem, even when we can't see it. We're so involved in the problems that face us, so overwhelmed or blinded, that we need God to give us fresh perspective, to open up the recesses of our heart where our true feelings lie, expose them, and to deal with them. It's not supposed to be a simple process: we all need to wrestle with God, constantly, over the things that matter to us, and also the things that matter to Him.
In chatting with a friend over coffee last night, I realised this principles applies to the way that I answer questions about my faith, or about suffering, about Jesus, the cross, the Christian faith, faith itself, and so on. So often we try and refine our answers to these 'postcard' length replies, thinking that we have cleverly found a way of explaining the truth. Now I'm not trying to criticise apologetics, in fact I'm usually the one defending apologetics (anyone else get the irony there?), but sometimes we work so hard on neat answers that we fail to serve those who are asking the question on two counts. Firstly, we actually may fail to listen to them properly, and to understand what the problem really is. Sometimes the questions is hypothetical, sometimes it comes from a real hunger to know the answer, and sometimes it is symptomatic of a deeper problem in that person's heart. In order to find this out, we need to ask questions ourselves, and ask for God's guidance and revelation concerning this person. Secondly, we can sometimes fail to point that person to God, in order to help them wrestle with Him over the issues that they have. We may have good answers, but it is only the Holy Spirit that illuminates truth, and it is when we do business with God, when we face up to the possibility that He may well exist and needs to be directly communicated with, that we find what we're looking for.
All I'm really proposing then, is a level of sensitivity in our conversations about God that leads us to always question, always probe for deeper reasons, always point them towards God, and in so doing, love them deeply by directing them to the One who has real answers, if only we'd struggle with Him long enough to find out.
Tuesday, 1 September 2009
New thoughts!
So having started this blog because I wanted a place to put down my thoughts, I then fail to write down any of them for almost 7 months. Not that I haven't been thinking at all in that time, it's just, well, life took over.
Looking back on my previous posts, I realise that things have changed. Having dealt with the disappointment of not getting into the Civil Service, God then almost straight away dealt me another hand, this time pocket aces, by allowing me back into the Fast Stream assessment and then helping me to ace the assessment centre: I'm in! Old news, but interesting that I had to go through a period of letting go, truly giving myself and my future over to God before things could proceed. It made me realise that my future is not completely in my hands: whilst I have decisions to make and responsibilities to, well, be responsible for, God is actually the one in control here, not me.
I am truly excited about working for the CS. Not everyone cup of tea, but somewhere where I hope I can make a real difference, and serve many people. As I have thought about what it means to be a Christian working for what is really now a secular government, two words have come out loud and clear: justice and righteousness. Not automatically the ones I would have chosen. Truth would definitely have come into it, as I'm someone who loves to debate about truth, logic, and reality with others. I think though that God is right on these ones though. Truth I think it neatly described by both Justice and Righteousness. Biblically, they're what the Law of God is built on: justice to serve the poor, and the oppressed, to see God worshipped for who He is, as God, and righteousness because obeying the Lord and finding out what His will is the most noble pursuit in life.
Trying to find life by the Law (ie, trying to earn goodness) is foolishness: we can't do it! We'll always mess up. We can bring our attempts and "good works" before God and say, 'look what I did God, aren't I good?' and God will look at them and say (in effect), 'So What? I'm God!' He, and He alone, is good, none other. But as a child of God, chosen and saved by Jesus, made holy by his sacrifice, we can see the Law for what it is: perfection! We won't live up to it fully, and we can't make God love us any more (or any less) by our attempts to live by it. In fact, God promises to live through us, to enable us to live well. It's not just down to us, we're not on our own: God is with us, and is living a Jesus-coloured life through us, to achieve His will on earth. That's what excites me. God has called me into relationship, to live in relation to Him, to realise my place, and to be excited by all He has in store for me. What purpose! I'm not just to wait around here on Earth until the end comes, trying to be good and hoping that heaven will come. I'm called to be someone who impacts the world around me as God works through me, powerfully.
I can find no greater comfort or inspiration than this in my life.
"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10
Looking back on my previous posts, I realise that things have changed. Having dealt with the disappointment of not getting into the Civil Service, God then almost straight away dealt me another hand, this time pocket aces, by allowing me back into the Fast Stream assessment and then helping me to ace the assessment centre: I'm in! Old news, but interesting that I had to go through a period of letting go, truly giving myself and my future over to God before things could proceed. It made me realise that my future is not completely in my hands: whilst I have decisions to make and responsibilities to, well, be responsible for, God is actually the one in control here, not me.
I am truly excited about working for the CS. Not everyone cup of tea, but somewhere where I hope I can make a real difference, and serve many people. As I have thought about what it means to be a Christian working for what is really now a secular government, two words have come out loud and clear: justice and righteousness. Not automatically the ones I would have chosen. Truth would definitely have come into it, as I'm someone who loves to debate about truth, logic, and reality with others. I think though that God is right on these ones though. Truth I think it neatly described by both Justice and Righteousness. Biblically, they're what the Law of God is built on: justice to serve the poor, and the oppressed, to see God worshipped for who He is, as God, and righteousness because obeying the Lord and finding out what His will is the most noble pursuit in life.
Trying to find life by the Law (ie, trying to earn goodness) is foolishness: we can't do it! We'll always mess up. We can bring our attempts and "good works" before God and say, 'look what I did God, aren't I good?' and God will look at them and say (in effect), 'So What? I'm God!' He, and He alone, is good, none other. But as a child of God, chosen and saved by Jesus, made holy by his sacrifice, we can see the Law for what it is: perfection! We won't live up to it fully, and we can't make God love us any more (or any less) by our attempts to live by it. In fact, God promises to live through us, to enable us to live well. It's not just down to us, we're not on our own: God is with us, and is living a Jesus-coloured life through us, to achieve His will on earth. That's what excites me. God has called me into relationship, to live in relation to Him, to realise my place, and to be excited by all He has in store for me. What purpose! I'm not just to wait around here on Earth until the end comes, trying to be good and hoping that heaven will come. I'm called to be someone who impacts the world around me as God works through me, powerfully.
I can find no greater comfort or inspiration than this in my life.
"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10
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